funny jokes and humor online joke humorous jokes and gags
 
 
Holiday jokes (6)
Animal jokes (25)
April fool jokes (0)
Bar jokes (120)
Blonde jokes (89)
Bumper stickers (7)
Classic jokes (3)
Computer jokes (29)
Farmers (6)
Food jokes (2)
Gender (86)
Insults (20)
Kids jokes (34)
Knock knock jokes (1)
Lawyer jokes (31)
Medical jokes (21)
Miscellaneous jokes (9)
Myspace jokes (2)
One liners (7)
Parent jokes (1)
Political jokes (2)
Practical jokes (2)
Redneck (82)
Sports jokes (1)
Top ten jokes (11)
Work jokes (31)
Yo mama jokes (35)

Picture/Video Links!
President of China
Not Too Peeky
Perfect Bar
Money Illusion
Pole In Apartment
Camera In The Park
Category: Redneck
Reader Rating: 4.38
Contributor: RoseGoddess

Add This Joke To: Del.ici.us


MARTHA STEWART'S *TIPS FOR REDNECKS *


GENERAL
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive The U- Haul to the funeral home.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.
3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say " Monday ". If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say " yes " to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in your sights.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

Rate this joke


Hilarious

Good

Average

Poor

Nasty



Email this joke to a friend
Your email address:
Your friends address:
Recieve joke in your email.